Dear Diary,
Today’s shift handed me a rare gift. Not a coffee delivery from a grateful patient. Not even one of those “we appreciate you” emails from management. No, today’s gift came in the form of the most underappreciated creature in all of urgent care: the Work Noter.
Let’s get something straight… work noters come in many flavors. Some show up with half-baked stories about abdominal pain or “my throat feels weird,” forcing me to play along and do full workups until they finally admit they called off and just need a work note. Those ones? Straight to hell.
But then there are the honest work noters. The unicorns. The heroes. The people who stroll in, plop down in the chair, and declare: “Yeah, I called off work today. I need the note to make it official.”
Chief complaint: Hypoworknote.
That’s it. That’s the visit. No fake cough. No Oscar-winning limp. No abdominal pain. No chest pain. No blood pressure “concerns” that mysteriously only arise on their day off. Just: I called off. I need a note.
And you know what? God bless them.
Work Noter SOAP Note: Need a Work Note
- Subjective: “Didn’t feel like going to work today.” Denies fever, denies pain, admits to zero motivation.
- Objective:
- Vitals: BP 120/80, HR: fine, Temp: afebrile.
- General: Well-appearing, phone in hand, energy preserved for TikTok scrolling.
- Work Ethic: absent.
- Assessment: Hypoworknote, acute on chronic.
- Plan: Provide work note. Consider mental health day extension. Advise hydration, Netflix, and snacks.
Why Work Noters Are My Favorite Patients
People think work noters are lazy. Wrong. They’re strategic. They know the system, they know their boss, and they know that nothing short of an official clinic document will keep management from hovering.
And they time it perfectly. Work noters don’t stumble in at 8:05 a.m., leaving me to awkwardly clear them for the rest of the day. No. They wait until 3:45 p.m.—late enough that even if I stamped “fit for duty” on their forehead, the workday is already toast. That’s not laziness. That’s chess. That’s efficiency.
You want to use your copay for a piece of paper instead of antibiotics? Fine by me. You earned that PTO. You want a mental health day? Take it. Want two? Hell, I’ll be your fairy godmother: bibbidi-bobbidi-bye.
The Palate Cleanser I Didn’t Know I Needed
Work noters are the intermission between chaos. They are the sorbet between courses of madness. One minute I’m juggling a patient who brought in a year-long list of concerns, the next minute: a work noter. Thirty seconds, a signature, and everyone’s happy.
No drama. No argument. No Google-debates about parasites. No convincing that Z-pak does not treat viral infections. Just clean, simple, transactional bliss.
The Unspoken Agreement
There’s an unspoken contract between me and the true work noter. They don’t lie, and I don’t judge. They don’t fake fevers, and I don’t roll my eyes. They only need a work note. They trust me to bless their day off with official ink, and I honor that sacred trust.
It’s the purest form of healthcare symbiosis: they keep my schedule moving, I keep their boss off their back.
Thank You, Hypoworknote Patient
So thank you, hypoworknote patient. Thank you for sparing me the fake drama. Thank you for not dragging me into an unnecessary exam. Thank you for being upfront, honest, and gloriously boring.
You might think you’re just skipping work, but to me, you are a lifesaver. You’re my thirty-second mental break in a ten-hour shift. You are proof that honesty still exists in urgent care.
Never change, work noters. Never change.
Love,
