Dear Diary,
There were one too many laundry list patients in urgent care today! When most people come to urgent care, something new has happened and they need it looked at and fixed. A sore throat, a sprained ankle, maybe a weird rash that popped up after a camping trip. It’s usually simple, one-and-done.
That’s the whole point of urgent care: quick, efficient, immediate problem-solving. Beautiful, fast, done.
Enters the Laundry List Patients
But then, there are the infamous laundry list patients. These are the people who treat urgent care like they’ve booked a full-body medical tune-up instead of a 15-minute acute care unscheduled walk-in visit. They show up, plop down, and start rattling off every single symptom, complaint, and random medical thought they’ve ever had, like they’ve been saving them up all year for this exact moment.
“So I’ve been dizzy for the past six months, my knee hurts when it rains, my left eyelid twitches sometimes, there is mold in my basement, and also could you check my thyroid, refill my blood pressure meds, and order some blood work while you’re at it?”
Excuse me, but this is urgent care, not a buffet.
The All-You-Can-Treat Buffet Crowd
Laundry list patients treat urgent care like an all-you-can-treat buffet. They just keep piling on complaints the way someone piles crab legs and mashed potatoes on their plate at Golden Corral. One serving of chronic back pain, a scoop of prescription refill, drizzle on a little “maybe it’s Lyme disease,” and for dessert, “I think I have sleep apnea.”
And there I am, standing with my little urgent care ticket, knowing I have 15 minutes to sort through a year’s worth of issues that should take a whole team of specialists.
The Polite Pushback (Because I’m not Addressing It)
Of course, being the professional that I am, I try to redirect politely. I smile, I nod, and I explain with my best customer service voice: “These visits are short, designed to address one main issue today. You’ll need to follow up with your primary care provider for the rest.”
That’s what I say. What they hear is: “Please, for the love of God, tell me more. Unleash your medical autobiography. I can’t wait.”
Laundry list patients are relentless. It’s like playing whack-a-mole with symptoms. You swat one down, and two more pop up.
PCPs, God Bless Them
And here’s where I really feel for the primary care providers of the world. I see laundry list patients for 15 minutes and want to set myself on fire. Their PCPs? They get forty-five minutes every six months with these folks. Bless their souls.
PCP: “Okay, let’s focus on your blood pressure today.” Laundry List Patient: “Actually, I think my blood pressure is caused by gluten, TikTok, and the time my cat looked at me funny in 2017.”
I am urgent care. I am duct tape medicine. Quick patch jobs, not your entire medical Netflix series.
Why Do They Keep Calling?
And the visit never really ends. Laundry list patients leave, go home, and then the phone calls start rolling in like encore performances. “Hi, I forgot to mention, can you also send in a new cream for my scalp? Oh, and I think I need a different inhaler. Also, my cousin’s doctor gave her something for anxiety, can I have that too?”
Dear Diary, by this point I’m convinced their favorite hobby is calling urgent care to see how much they can get away with.
Final Thoughts Before I Scream
Dear Diary, I try to stay professional. I do. But inside, I’m one eye twitch away from saying: “Listen. I don’t have the bandwidth, the lab orders, or the emotional stamina for your bullshit today. Pick one. Strep test? Sprained ankle? Cool. That’s it. The rest? Take it to your PCP, God help them.”
Urgent care is not the place to unload your lifetime of unresolved medical questions. It’s one visit. One problem. Fifteen minutes. This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy. This is retail medicine. And honestly? Some days I think we should just post a sign at the door: Urgent Care: Where We Solve One Problem, Not Your Whole Damn Existence.
Amen.
